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All That Has Come Apart​/​Once Did Not Exist

by Sonny Falls

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    $10 dollars gets you the whole record. It will be released in full over the course of 2020. The first 6 tracks will all be available by August 7, when the first cassette is released. Full album will be released in December (not 9/3 as it says below).
    Purchasable with gift card

      $8 USD  or more

     

  • Cassette + Digital Album

    Cassette of Part 1 (first 6 tracks) with limited edition artwork

    Drawings by Anthony Christopher - www.anthonychristopherart.com/prints/
    Collages by Ryan Ensley
    Layout by Emma Bilyeu

    Includes unlimited streaming of All That Has Come Apart/Once Did Not Exist via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days
    edition of 100 

      $4 USD or more 

     

  • T-Shirt/Apparel

    crisp white t-shirt to match the record
    ships out within 4 days
    Purchasable with gift card

      $12 USD or more 

     

  • Cassette + Digital Album

    Part 3 cassette of the album

    Drawings by Anthony Christopher - www.anthonychristopherart.com/prints/
    Collages by Ryan Ensley
    Layout by Emma Bilyeu

    Includes unlimited streaming of All That Has Come Apart/Once Did Not Exist via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 4 days
    edition of 25  1 remaining

      $6 USD or more 

     

  • Part 2 Limited Edition Cassette
    Cassette + Digital Album

    Part 2 of Sonny Falls' album on red cassette

    Drawings by Anthony Christopher - www.anthonychristopherart.com/prints/
    Collages by Ryan Ensley
    Layout by Emma Bilyeu

    Includes unlimited streaming of All That Has Come Apart/Once Did Not Exist via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

  • Tape Bundle - Cassettes of Part 1, 2, and 3
    Cassette + Digital Album

    Cassettes of Parts 1, 2, and 3! Special artwork for each one.

    Includes unlimited streaming of All That Has Come Apart/Once Did Not Exist via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

1.
People on Porches There's people on porches and They're gorgeous in laughter bones trembling from the feeling of being consumed by all that has ever and ever will happen The resemblance uncanny every joy every wound We were kids in leather jackets doing whip its and Xanax Stealing lawn gnomes, fighting & selling fake drugs Saw a clockwork orange while sewing on patches saw the cops kids band open for Marilyn Manson I bled out in a Buick while you puked up your guts shaking from drinking four loco four three months I didn't go to the funeral I didn't know if I could take it I still don't know if it was selfish or just self preservation still there's people on porches and they're gorgeous in laughter While a body turns blue climbing some tattered ladder towards a dawn thats clean and untouched by time in a cycle unseen, speculation on a neon sign bones trembling from the feeling of being consumed
2.
Filling in the Blanks The news spills from a car that's passing I'm walking by my old apartment building there was a girl with glass eyes living under the stairs where some actor died his ghost is still there he's rehearsing a script to some unfinished film while the entrepreneur is crushing up pills there's a paranoid pothead keeps checking the stove a doomsday prepper clipping coupons with a blueprint composed and there's a restless, endless entity and it's somehow within everything whether you're bathed in light or swallowed by darkness there's gonna be a crackle of static, the slow fade of habit an unseen goal in your god-shaped hole faces will fade or faintly remain might end up alone filling in the blanks Now punkin donuts is a target but the preachers still there yelling in his megaphone tourists take pictures and stare and the dishwashers are smoking construction workers laughing Jesus hearing voices stumbles to the hum of traffic and yuppies push strollers and yell in their cell phones while I pick up their dog shit looking up at their condos and death is day drinking there's a happy hour special he's sick of being the asshole and he's gettin sentimental and there's a restless, endless entity and it's somehow within everything whether you're bathed in light or swallowed by darkness there's gonna be a crackle of static, the slow fade of habit an unseen goal in your god-shaped hole faces will fade or faintly remain might end up alone filling in the blanks
3.
Pleasure Center Century Stuck somewhere that's in between Balancing my chemistry Whatever that means Melatonin melody Glitch inside your DNA Pleasure Center Century Freckle in a memory Neon sign figment Chalk left on the pavement Holy visions carved in wood Softly say a prayer Wonder if it's going anywhere Is it aimless energy? I guess we'll just wait and see Turn your face towards the sun Inside out but everyone Ignores the buzz that's in their brain Softly come undone Your barren brains a blank slate Repeat a revelation till you blend in with the static Stagnant, sprawling photograph Might be reduced to ash but Still burned in your brain so ya Fake it when you meditate Staring at the ceiling Trying to see an ocean There's something buried in my heart It's an art to contain it Wish it could be reduced and drawn And hung up like a painting but It's impossibly gigantic An invisible titanic They say when you get that feeling Don't attempt to fight it I'd like to see you try it Turn your face towards the sun Inside out but everyone Ignores the buzz that's in their brain Softly come undone Your barren brains a blank slate
4.
An Unforgiving sun beats down On everyone in different ways Some can sweat it out Others just fry in the rays Wilting like a lover crushed by the weight Of a feeling uncovered just a little too late Barely undone but it just takes one Slip of the tongue for your house of cards to collapse Bleeding out but feeling clean
5.
I was outlined in chalk Hugging something eternal Imagined slit wrists in a bathtub Planning a funeral Tearing out my hair knowing Living is just a decision It’s hard to imagine My mind with that vision Or the multitude of beauty That could bloom from those wishes It’s an ache that don’t cease It just becomes more indistinct An imperceptible specter And you’re infinitely interlinked Now that you’re empty The opportunity Is endless potential Laid out before you In a vast expanse Light fills every corner and The moment slowly slips Distant sirens singing a sad song Screaming through the streets Bringing me back awake to my brains buzz: Funerals I missed, my first kiss laughing At a soul unraveling reveals my inner light Squirting from a stabbing Staggering towards the horizon Collapse into conclusion Reveal what you’re disguising A dead day laughing starts to dim A new way emerging on a whim Reality unmasked A reoccurring compromise Now that you’re empty The opportunity Is endless potential Laid out before you In a vast expanse Light fills every corner and The moment slowly slips
6.
The air was thick with swollen summer Still so small I’m staring wide and at my mother In the parking lot of our small apartment Where I would lay and listen to commuter traffic And wonder what their houses looked like If they had pets, how loud and often they’d fight And fall asleep never figuring it out In the afternoons i’d sit with my grandma Watching things through static i’d adjust the antenna Always next to her was her green thermos filled with Cooling coffee i still see her laughing At Jerry Springer, maury and in the same breath Tell me that she’s been waiting to die Saw Blood running down your long white arm And heard your brother on a speaker phone Sitting on a chair in our garden apartment In your room Bright light i thought my heart was stopping The cop he came and said, “How long has it been?” Standing cold in my living room Static crackled a voice rang out and Cut the air From a microphone on his chest
7.
Candlelight burning Dreams recurring Black as the dead night Inside the insight Something entangled in the strands of your genes Dormant but present behind the scenes You see your future self hangin From a rope in the room Insanity percolating and waiting To bloom Minimize your fears so you dont gotta face them Diminished through the years They were roaring now a quiet hum Surely they will fester Spread like an infection Cause pleasure is a carnival traveling around Pain is its employer contractually bound Bad blood built up See if i give a fuck Tell yourself a story I just think it’s boring Friday night black out A neon smile turns to a shout Dive into a black hole Stuck inside a limbo Caught your sister stealing Now she’s passed out in the backyard Checkin if she’s breathing Relieved she’s only sleeping Your ma was missing diamonds I hope that she can find them Amphetemine pyschosis Creepin by your windows Hiding in the shadows Living where the wind blows If your memories were personified A person walking down the street Youd turn into a vampire And drain them in a heartbeat Your brain is fastened to the past Theres roses rotting in your glass Bad blood built up See if i give a fuck Tell yourself a story I just think it’s boring Friday night black out A neon smile turns to a shout Dive into a black hole Stuck inside a limbo There’s a dark too wide to digest Too vast to fully make sense It can only get bigger Hope youre the lucky winner
8.
Trailer in Gary, Steve was so scary Hole in his throat whiskey in his cup Gravel front yard stared at the stars And a pregnant swollen alley cat A boarded up two flat Black and white Tv Grandma couldn’t see me Looking at the girls in old magazines She lived in a haze Got over the shakes The accident on Hohman scrambled her brains My mom in the backseat came out unscathed Grandma still slurred her words Smoking and scowling Sitting on the couch Drool pooling at the side of her mouth Never knew what the fuck She was talking about Attempt to befriend the kid that’s within you He’s still in there wondering what’s to come Holding up the weight Of all that could be Is better than the closure Of knowing that it’s done We smoked weed out of foil While your dad, sick, wheezed inside You told me that he used to work For the FBI And in the garage that we stood beside There were boxes of pictures From various crimes He didn’t want us to see em But you found the key Snuck inside to get it while he was asleep The pictures were awful I can’t unsee em Attempt to befriend the kid that’s within you He’s still in there wondering what’s to come Holding up the weight Of all that could be Is better than the closure Of knowing that it’s done Left your party to dissapear Into a car with an open beer With a guy who said he had the coolest place He had “Mom” tattooed on the side of his face But his loft was lame and the coke was bad And he got too drunk reminded you of your dad And the sun rose so you crept outside To find a friend in whom to confide The mistake you made and the shape you’re in Shaking looking like a skeleton Now we’re in a strip mall selling plasma For a pack of smokes and a fifth of vodka You panicked in the passenger seat of my Honda Said, “I’m the human form of a broken condom”
9.
Rooftop Bar 03:38
Death is a door to the rooftop bar A criminal in a story in a getaway car A love from the past finally face to face Naked in honesty leaving no trace It’s a desert expanse everywhere and no place It’s the sun coming up and a happiness subtle A commuter train stuck in a darkening tunnel It’s an emptiness pure, unknown but missing It’s lovers entangled in an unknown beginning It’s a limitless gap that always needs bridging It’s the poltergeist bored and shaking the bed A discussion exhausted but still things unsaid It’s the psychic on Western with a photo degree Half a flashing neon sign that says “first reading free” It’s the killer drinking Pepsi and watching TV It’s a bike ride in the rain, headed downtown A love impromptu you know they won’t stick around Remembering a bed from a one night stand In the morning unsure whether to kiss or shake hands It’s testing the space that love has to expand It’s Lake Shore Drive at 16, driving to reckless A punk in the street with anger that boundless It’s the grass where we laid, confined by silent disorder With only homes made of stifled fury to go towards
10.
It’s Tobacco stained ceilings in a hometown diner A guy who says he is but isn’t a writer An old friend lookin strung out, her daughter beside her The high school bully cashier who seems a lot nicer Workin part time at the liquor store Selling beer to minors Fear is a past life in the darkness Waiting for a cosmic wave to come To turn it into a new less incarnate The blind spot of your soul On the tip of your tongue It’s the family fight crying over KFC With a sitcom on mute flashing on the screen Leaving to smoke stale cigarettes In my dads old leather jacket With goth kids in a basement chugging Bacardi A pentagram on the wall and it’s scrawled in a sharpie Fear is a past life in the darkness Waiting for a cosmic wave to come To turn it into a new less incarnate The blind spot of your soul On the tip of your tongue It’s the middle aged mom with no choice but divorce Envisioning the 1 bedroom and the days spent in court Can barely remember who you were before Still a little kid lost in a grocery store
11.
Clutter 03:49
12.
Came to my old neighborhood in fall It was this time of year that I moved in The apartment was small with Green and yellow walls I walked by the bodega I’d buy Loose cigarettes and soda Working as a bus boy no diploma I’d smoke pot at 7am and then Go roll forks and knives With a shaky waitress who’d sneak wine She was really nice My buddy washed dishes and did Anything the owner asked him For $300 bucks a week so he could Move to Alaska Once he lost a stack a checks Thought he was gonna break his neck And I’d drive my broken Buick back in the evening With it’s one headlight out kinda looked like it was winking At night I’d binge on weed at 19 barely drinking I was happy watching Seinfeld DVD’s and overeating Alone most nights aside from when my roommate would join me But he was mostly with his girlfriend, doing heroin or sleeping There was a mural of a split rat by the train tracks Painted intestines spilling everywhere Skyline in the distance I kept bussing tables and paid my rent In singles and Sacajawea coins Took a research chemical and had a bad trip Ended up in an orgy with 6 anarchists I walked home from Bridgeport in a blizzard alone Always worried about my roommate he wouldn’t answer the phone I smashed two smoke alarms from being too stoned Found needles in a trash can - ended up screaming I pursued communal living and my roommate went to treatment I got 12 parking tickets I haven’t paid So I had to sell my winking buick But I still love this time of year
13.
Theres a night I often think of Where I think I chose a path Standing in a basement with The 5 best friends I ever had They’d just driven to the west side Money clenched in their fists Cigarettes weed and whiskey Would no longer do the trick Probably just 20 bucks Bought enough for us to share I don’t recall who tried it first But the lines were laid out fair There was the hum of the tv Your parents watched the news upstairs A rolled up dollar bill And a little left for me It wasn’t judgement, just fear So that night I stuck to weed I remember you living At your grandmas house After she had died when there was nowhere else to go Everyone would go there to get high I was stoned sitting on a couch and Sipping a high life The first time I saw a needle It seemed small I was surprised Saw it plunge and pierce Into your arm missing the vein Frustration turned to rage Blood dripped on the carpet and stained I want to love you deeply I want our lives to come together Into a single narrative where Theres no difference from one another But theres a line that must be drawn It’s like pitch black and dawn Keeping track of your own mind Isn’t choosing Which side you’re on
14.
All That Has Come Apart There’s a hearse leading a procession A jogger running by A woman looking past them Remarked,”it’s nice outside” And it is I feel the sun on my face It is morning in the fall A Toyota burst into flames As we were walking by A neighbor yelled a name A guy came out and smiled wide Saw a little old lady yell From the window of a bungalow “It’s gonna blow!” And it did Saw the flame expand and glass shatter The guy smiling wide erupted into laughter All that has Come apart Once did not Exist To have a broken heart Is more than one Should wish Rain fell on your fresh face Lake shore in late May Dwarfed by all the buildings Enlarged by a feeling Sun burnt back and laughing Buzzed on afternoon beer Swallowed by a shadow passing And then we disappeared This morning I felt your absence It seemed to envelop me Flooded by old images Crushed by possibility All that has Come apart Once did not Exist To have a broken heart Is more than one Should wish Somewhere in
15.
Somewhere in the wild there is true love and it’s buried Maybe up to it’s neck like it’s a joke in a movie And it’s been there for years and it’s tired and hungry Refusing to die cause then we’d all be lonely Somewhere in outer space among the black holes and dust There’s an interstellar apparition looking down on us If I’m made in that image where did that image come from? Maybe cosmic creators Breaking bread and we’re the crumbs Somewhere past the south side Towards the Indiana border Past the kids with rigs in cars Headed west on 94 Past the mills covered in rust bible thumoers drinking blood Empty strip malls and fireworks shops It was there and a day I didn’t listen to you I made a memory - it split me two
16.
It was an empty lot in New Orleans Where the girl I loved was killed Was that the doing of some sick god Some destiny fulfilled I’d rather think that it’s all chaos Spinning in the void Rather than being a marionette That’ll never have a choice Strings attached at birth Eternal umbilical cord Shamed and stuffed like a toy To fear for rewards I wanna believe that there’s reason Otherwise I’m terrified Incessant intrusive thoughts Constantly invade my mind Every single awful thing I’ve seen Playing all at once Till the cacophony climaxes Like 1,000 car crashes And the tired squeal And the windshield shatters And the silence is full and fills Me like a meal So I can try to centralize my energy And try to make some sense Try and find a focal point And attempt to aim the lens That’s in my brain fixed in place Good or bad behind my face Sometimes I wish I had a god So that I could believe in fate But that’s a hole that isn’t filled You can’t will it into being And it’s a hard to swallow pill But I think that’s why you don’t talk to me I’m godless in the wild My moms forgotten child Set aside by accident Maybe later reconciled But the future is a specter On the outskirts of the city And she’s chainsmoking in a car And waiting patiently For her time to come And inevitably it does I think if you listen closely You can hear that engine humming

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released December 15, 2020

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Sonny Falls Chicago, Illinois

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