1. |
People on Porches
03:04
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People on Porches
There's people on porches and
They're gorgeous in laughter
bones trembling from the feeling
of being consumed
by all that has ever and ever will happen
The resemblance uncanny
every joy every wound
We were kids in leather jackets doing whip its and Xanax
Stealing lawn gnomes, fighting & selling fake drugs
Saw a clockwork orange while sewing on patches
saw the cops kids band open for Marilyn Manson
I bled out in a Buick while you puked up your guts
shaking from drinking four loco four three months
I didn't go to the funeral I didn't know if I could take it
I still don't know if it was selfish or just self preservation still there's
people on porches and they're gorgeous in laughter
While a body turns blue climbing some tattered ladder
towards a dawn thats clean and untouched by time
in a cycle unseen, speculation on a neon sign
bones trembling from the feeling of being consumed
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2. |
Filling in the Blanks
03:45
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Filling in the Blanks
The news spills from a car that's passing
I'm walking by my old apartment building
there was a girl with glass eyes living under the stairs
where some actor died his ghost is still there
he's rehearsing a script to some unfinished film
while the entrepreneur is crushing up pills
there's a paranoid pothead keeps checking the stove
a doomsday prepper clipping coupons with a blueprint composed
and there's a restless, endless entity
and it's somehow within everything
whether you're bathed in light
or swallowed by darkness
there's gonna be a
crackle of static, the slow fade of habit
an unseen goal in your god-shaped hole
faces will fade or faintly remain
might end up alone
filling in the blanks
Now punkin donuts is a target
but the preachers still there
yelling in his megaphone
tourists take pictures and stare
and the dishwashers are smoking
construction workers laughing
Jesus hearing voices stumbles to the hum of traffic
and yuppies push strollers and yell in their cell phones
while I pick up their dog shit looking up at their condos
and death is day drinking there's a happy hour special
he's sick of being the asshole and he's gettin sentimental
and there's a restless, endless entity
and it's somehow within everything
whether you're bathed in light
or swallowed by darkness
there's gonna be a
crackle of static, the slow fade of habit
an unseen goal in your god-shaped hole
faces will fade or faintly remain
might end up alone
filling in the blanks
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3. |
Pleasure Center Century
03:44
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Pleasure Center Century
Stuck somewhere that's in between
Balancing my chemistry
Whatever that means
Melatonin melody
Glitch inside your DNA
Pleasure Center Century
Freckle in a memory
Neon sign figment
Chalk left on the pavement
Holy visions carved in wood
Softly say a prayer
Wonder if it's going anywhere
Is it aimless energy?
I guess we'll just wait and see
Turn your face towards the sun
Inside out but everyone
Ignores the buzz that's in their brain
Softly come undone
Your barren brains a blank slate
Repeat a revelation till you blend in with the static
Stagnant, sprawling photograph
Might be reduced to ash but
Still burned in your brain so ya
Fake it when you meditate
Staring at the ceiling
Trying to see an ocean
There's something buried in my heart
It's an art to contain it
Wish it could be reduced and drawn
And hung up like a painting but
It's impossibly gigantic
An invisible titanic
They say when you get that feeling
Don't attempt to fight it
I'd like to see you try it
Turn your face towards the sun
Inside out but everyone
Ignores the buzz that's in their brain
Softly come undone
Your barren brains a blank slate
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4. |
Unforgiving Sun
00:44
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An Unforgiving sun beats down
On everyone in different ways
Some can sweat it out
Others just fry in the rays
Wilting like a lover crushed by the weight
Of a feeling uncovered just a little too late
Barely undone but it just takes one
Slip of the tongue for your house of cards to collapse
Bleeding out but feeling clean
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5. |
Dead Day Laughing
03:38
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I was outlined in chalk
Hugging something eternal Imagined slit wrists in a bathtub Planning a funeral
Tearing out my hair knowing
Living is just a decision
It’s hard to imagine
My mind with that vision
Or the multitude of beauty
That could bloom from those wishes It’s an ache that don’t cease
It just becomes more indistinct
An imperceptible specter
And you’re infinitely interlinked
Now that you’re empty The opportunity
Is endless potential
Laid out before you
In a vast expanse
Light fills every corner and The moment slowly slips
Distant sirens singing a sad song
Screaming through the streets
Bringing me back awake to my brains buzz:
Funerals I missed, my first kiss laughing
At a soul unraveling reveals my inner light Squirting from a stabbing Staggering towards the horizon
Collapse into conclusion
Reveal what you’re disguising
A dead day laughing starts to dim
A new way emerging on a whim
Reality unmasked
A reoccurring compromise
Now that you’re empty The opportunity
Is endless potential Laid out before you
In a vast expanse
Light fills every corner and The moment slowly slips
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6. |
Swollen Summer
03:14
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The air was thick with swollen summer
Still so small I’m staring wide and at my mother
In the parking lot of our small apartment
Where I would lay and listen to commuter traffic
And wonder what their houses looked like
If they had pets, how loud and often they’d fight
And fall asleep never figuring it out
In the afternoons i’d sit with my grandma
Watching things through static i’d adjust the antenna
Always next to her was her green thermos filled with
Cooling coffee i still see her laughing
At Jerry Springer, maury and in the same breath
Tell me that she’s been waiting to die
Saw Blood running down your long white arm
And heard your brother on a speaker phone
Sitting on a chair in our garden apartment
In your room
Bright light i thought my heart was stopping
The cop he came and said,
“How long has it been?”
Standing cold in my living room
Static crackled a voice rang out and
Cut the air
From a microphone on his chest
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7. |
||||
Candlelight burning
Dreams recurring
Black as the dead night
Inside the insight
Something entangled in the strands of your genes
Dormant but present behind the scenes
You see your future self hangin
From a rope in the room
Insanity percolating and waiting
To bloom
Minimize your fears so you dont gotta face them
Diminished through the years
They were roaring now a quiet hum
Surely they will fester
Spread like an infection
Cause pleasure is a carnival traveling around
Pain is its employer contractually bound
Bad blood built up
See if i give a fuck
Tell yourself a story
I just think it’s boring
Friday night black out
A neon smile turns to a shout
Dive into a black hole
Stuck inside a limbo
Caught your sister stealing
Now she’s passed out in the backyard
Checkin if she’s breathing
Relieved she’s only sleeping
Your ma was missing diamonds
I hope that she can find them
Amphetemine pyschosis
Creepin by your windows
Hiding in the shadows
Living where the wind blows
If your memories were personified
A person walking down the street
Youd turn into a vampire
And drain them in a heartbeat
Your brain is fastened to the past
Theres roses rotting in your glass
Bad blood built up
See if i give a fuck
Tell yourself a story
I just think it’s boring
Friday night black out
A neon smile turns to a shout
Dive into a black hole
Stuck inside a limbo
There’s a dark too wide to digest
Too vast to fully make sense
It can only get bigger
Hope youre the lucky winner
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8. |
||||
Trailer in Gary, Steve was so scary
Hole in his throat whiskey in his cup
Gravel front yard stared at the stars
And a pregnant swollen alley cat
A boarded up two flat
Black and white Tv
Grandma couldn’t see me
Looking at the girls in old magazines
She lived in a haze
Got over the shakes
The accident on Hohman scrambled her brains
My mom in the backseat came out unscathed
Grandma still slurred her words
Smoking and scowling
Sitting on the couch
Drool pooling at the side of her mouth
Never knew what the fuck
She was talking about
Attempt to befriend the kid that’s within you
He’s still in there wondering what’s to come
Holding up the weight
Of all that could be
Is better than the closure
Of knowing that it’s done
We smoked weed out of foil
While your dad, sick, wheezed inside
You told me that he used to work
For the FBI
And in the garage that we stood beside
There were boxes of pictures
From various crimes
He didn’t want us to see em
But you found the key
Snuck inside to get it while he was asleep
The pictures were awful I can’t unsee em
Attempt to befriend the kid that’s within you
He’s still in there wondering what’s to come
Holding up the weight
Of all that could be
Is better than the closure
Of knowing that it’s done
Left your party to dissapear
Into a car with an open beer
With a guy who said he had the coolest place
He had “Mom” tattooed on the side of his face
But his loft was lame and the coke was bad
And he got too drunk reminded you of your dad
And the sun rose so you crept outside
To find a friend in whom to confide
The mistake you made and the shape you’re in
Shaking looking like a skeleton
Now we’re in a strip mall selling plasma
For a pack of smokes and a fifth of vodka
You panicked in the passenger seat of my Honda
Said, “I’m the human form of a broken condom”
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9. |
Rooftop Bar
03:38
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Death is a door to the rooftop bar
A criminal in a story in a getaway car
A love from the past finally face to face
Naked in honesty leaving no trace
It’s a desert expanse everywhere and no place
It’s the sun coming up and a happiness subtle
A commuter train stuck in a darkening tunnel
It’s an emptiness pure, unknown but missing
It’s lovers entangled in an unknown beginning
It’s a limitless gap that always needs bridging
It’s the poltergeist bored and shaking the bed
A discussion exhausted but still things unsaid
It’s the psychic on Western with a photo degree
Half a flashing neon sign that says “first reading free”
It’s the killer drinking Pepsi and watching TV
It’s a bike ride in the rain, headed downtown
A love impromptu you know they won’t stick around
Remembering a bed from a one night stand
In the morning unsure whether to kiss or shake hands
It’s testing the space that love has to expand
It’s Lake Shore Drive at 16, driving to reckless
A punk in the street with anger that boundless
It’s the grass where we laid, confined by silent disorder
With only homes made of stifled fury to go towards
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10. |
Purple Steers
04:38
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It’s Tobacco stained ceilings in a hometown diner
A guy who says he is but isn’t a writer
An old friend lookin strung out, her daughter beside her
The high school bully cashier who seems a lot nicer
Workin part time at the liquor store
Selling beer to minors
Fear is a past life in the darkness
Waiting for a cosmic wave to come
To turn it into a new less incarnate
The blind spot of your soul
On the tip of your tongue
It’s the family fight crying over KFC
With a sitcom on mute flashing on the screen
Leaving to smoke stale cigarettes
In my dads old leather jacket
With goth kids in a basement chugging Bacardi
A pentagram on the wall and it’s scrawled in a sharpie
Fear is a past life in the darkness
Waiting for a cosmic wave to come
To turn it into a new less incarnate
The blind spot of your soul
On the tip of your tongue
It’s the middle aged mom with no choice but divorce
Envisioning the 1 bedroom and the days spent in court
Can barely remember who you were before
Still a little kid lost in a grocery store
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11. |
Clutter
03:49
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12. |
Winking Buick
03:31
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Came to my old neighborhood in fall
It was this time of year that I moved in
The apartment was small with
Green and yellow walls
I walked by the bodega I’d buy
Loose cigarettes and soda
Working as a bus boy no diploma
I’d smoke pot at 7am and then
Go roll forks and knives
With a shaky waitress who’d sneak wine
She was really nice
My buddy washed dishes and did
Anything the owner asked him
For $300 bucks a week so he could
Move to Alaska
Once he lost a stack a checks
Thought he was gonna break his neck
And I’d drive my broken Buick back in the evening
With it’s one headlight out kinda looked like it was winking
At night I’d binge on weed at 19 barely drinking
I was happy watching Seinfeld DVD’s and overeating
Alone most nights aside from when my roommate would join me
But he was mostly with his girlfriend, doing heroin or sleeping
There was a mural of a split rat by the train tracks
Painted intestines spilling everywhere
Skyline in the distance
I kept bussing tables and paid my rent
In singles and Sacajawea coins
Took a research chemical and had a bad trip
Ended up in an orgy with 6 anarchists
I walked home from Bridgeport in a blizzard alone
Always worried about my roommate he wouldn’t answer the phone
I smashed two smoke alarms from being too stoned
Found needles in a trash can - ended up screaming
I pursued communal living and my roommate went to treatment
I got 12 parking tickets I haven’t paid
So I had to sell my winking buick
But I still love this time of year
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13. |
Which Side You're On
03:03
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Theres a night I often think of
Where I think I chose a path
Standing in a basement with
The 5 best friends I ever had
They’d just driven to the west side
Money clenched in their fists
Cigarettes weed and whiskey
Would no longer do the trick
Probably just 20 bucks
Bought enough for us to share I don’t recall who tried it first
But the lines were laid out fair
There was the hum of the tv
Your parents watched the news upstairs
A rolled up dollar bill
And a little left for me
It wasn’t judgement, just fear
So that night I stuck to weed
I remember you living
At your grandmas house
After she had died
when there was nowhere else to go
Everyone would go there to get high
I was stoned sitting on a couch and
Sipping a high life
The first time I saw a needle
It seemed small I was surprised
Saw it plunge and pierce
Into your arm missing the vein
Frustration turned to rage
Blood dripped on the carpet and stained
I want to love you deeply
I want our lives to come together
Into a single narrative where
Theres no difference from one another
But theres a line that must be drawn
It’s like pitch black and dawn
Keeping track of your own mind
Isn’t choosing
Which side you’re on
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14. |
All That Has Come Apart
04:16
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All That Has Come Apart
There’s a hearse leading a procession
A jogger running by
A woman looking past them
Remarked,”it’s nice outside”
And it is I feel the sun on my face
It is morning in the fall
A Toyota burst into flames
As we were walking by
A neighbor yelled a name
A guy came out and smiled wide
Saw a little old lady yell
From the window of a bungalow
“It’s gonna blow!”
And it did
Saw the flame expand and glass shatter
The guy smiling wide erupted into laughter
All that has
Come apart
Once did not
Exist
To have a broken heart
Is more
than one
Should wish
Rain fell on your fresh face
Lake shore in late May
Dwarfed by all the buildings
Enlarged by a feeling
Sun burnt back and laughing
Buzzed on afternoon beer
Swallowed by a shadow passing
And then we disappeared
This morning I felt your absence
It seemed to envelop me
Flooded by old images
Crushed by possibility
All that has
Come apart
Once did not
Exist
To have a broken heart
Is more
than one
Should wish
Somewhere in
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15. |
||||
Somewhere in the wild there is true love and it’s buried
Maybe up to it’s neck like it’s a joke in a movie
And it’s been there for years and it’s tired and hungry
Refusing to die cause then we’d all be lonely
Somewhere in outer space among the black holes and dust
There’s an interstellar apparition looking down on us
If I’m made in that image
where did that image come from?
Maybe cosmic creators
Breaking bread and we’re the crumbs
Somewhere past the south side
Towards the Indiana border
Past the kids with rigs in cars
Headed west on 94
Past the mills covered in rust bible thumoers drinking blood
Empty strip malls and fireworks shops
It was there and a day I didn’t listen to you
I made a memory - it split me two
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16. |
||||
It was an empty lot in New Orleans
Where the girl I loved was killed
Was that the doing of some sick god
Some destiny fulfilled
I’d rather think that it’s all chaos
Spinning in the void
Rather than being a marionette
That’ll never have a choice
Strings attached at birth
Eternal umbilical cord
Shamed and stuffed like a toy
To fear for rewards
I wanna believe that there’s reason
Otherwise I’m terrified
Incessant intrusive thoughts
Constantly invade my mind
Every single awful thing I’ve seen
Playing all at once
Till the cacophony climaxes
Like 1,000 car crashes
And the tired squeal
And the windshield shatters
And the silence is full and fills
Me like a meal
So I can try to centralize my energy
And try to make some sense
Try and find a focal point
And attempt to aim the lens
That’s in my brain fixed in place
Good or bad behind my face
Sometimes I wish I had a god
So that I could believe in fate
But that’s a hole that isn’t filled
You can’t will it into being
And it’s a hard to swallow pill
But I think that’s why you don’t talk to me
I’m godless in the wild
My moms forgotten child
Set aside by accident
Maybe later reconciled
But the future is a specter
On the outskirts of the city
And she’s chainsmoking in a car
And waiting patiently
For her time to come
And inevitably it does
I think if you listen closely
You can hear that engine humming
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